I'm a 20 year old waitress who also happens to be a mommy. My "perfect" guy went and started a life with someone else, so I'm on my own...after seriously considering adoption, I made the decision to parent my son who I call my little fishy :) I'm trying to figure out what's right while balancing work, school, and my growing little baby. Happy to talk to anyone :)
Soooo I have zero real friends.
I have no one that I can text about my 3 am thoughts.
And I know all of you out there would be available to talk.
And I don’t mean this in a bad way because I really appreciate all of you but you guys don’t really know me ya know?
I’ve never been in this kind of situation. I’ve always had friends. There’s always been one that I could talk to about anything at any time of day.
I don’t have that at all now.
I just want someone to hug me while I cry and ramble about my feelings that I don’t understand.
14 years old: I'm young but I know what I want. This isn't that hard, I'm all grown up already and have everything figured out.
17 years old: Well, this is a little harder than I thought. School is almost ending. What am I going to do with my life?
21 years old: What the fuck is going on? Where are my socks?
Bray is SCREAMING from getting his shots done :/ he’s so tired but he keeps waking up because he’s in pain :/my poor baby :( my stress level just went sky high. He never cries :(
Baby boy gets his shots tomorrow :/
So I get the stigma with young parents. I had my son at 19 and shortly after I turned 20. I still consider myself in the teen mom category especially since I tend to look a few years younger than I actually am. Do I recommend having a kid as a teenager? Fuck no. Especially for single mothers. Going to school, working full time, and being a mom is a fucking bitch. I love it. But it doesn’t mean I recommend it.
With that said. I’m sick and fucking tired of not being able to step out of the fucking house without getting 80 million critical stares.
1. You don’t know how old I am and my marital status.
I could be 25 and married and you really wouldn’t know
2. You don’t know my situation.
I was physically and sexually abused by Brayden’s dad. I was literally terrified to say no to him. And I’m a tiny little thing, so no. I couldn’t just “push him off” I KNEW I was going to get pregnant. And while I was in that situation, I rationalized that pregnancy would be better than what he might do if I said no to him.
3. You don’t know my financial situation.
I live with my parents. Because they offered for Bray and I to live upstairs. But guess what? I pay for my phone, my car, my school, my books, my food, ALL of Brayden’s things (formula, diapers, wipes, clothes, soap, medical bills, etc.). I also give my dad money for him to put towards the house bills. Am I independent? FUCK NO. But I’m not sitting on my ass expecting my father to pay for everything. Don’t you think I feel guilty as fuck for having to live here? You bet your fucking ass that I do. And I want more than anything to have a home for Bray and I. But right now, it’s a hell of a lot smarter for me to be in a safe, nice house with family so that I can have money in savings for things Bray might need while I finish school. The only type of government assistance I have is Medicaid for my son. I DO NOT have it. Just my son. And honestly, if you have a problem with your tax money being used for the healthcare of an infant with a chronic illness than you’re fucked up.
4. You’re too busy with you fucking judgmental stare that you don’t even look to see if I’m a good mother or not.
My son is one of the happiest babies. And the love I have for him is more than I even thought was possible. I’m a good mother. I take care of my kid. I have fun with my kid. And everything that I do is for my kid.
5. You have no fucking clue why Brayden’s father isn’t in his life.
I’m not a crazy psycho. I never refused to let him see Bray. I tried so fucking hard to get him to care about his kid. His response? To disappear. Leaving his job, his apartment, his car, changing his phone number, deleting his Facebook. And to tell me I’m stupid and since I didn’t “kill it” that it’s not his. Yeah. That was totally my fault….
6. If I look like I have a happy, healthy, safe child in my arms, IT IS NONE OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS.
I wish I had a husband. I wish my son had a father. I wish we had our own home with our own family. I wish I was 5 years older. I wish I already had my career. And I hope that I can have that one day in the future. But for right now, go fuck yourselves. I have a beautiful child. He’s my whole world and I’m his. And your fucking stares aren’t going to change the fact that I’m a teen mom or young mom or whatever category you want to put me in.
It’s been a year. Hurts like a bitch, holy hell.
rileyplusone He does use the slow flow nipples. I’ve tried burping him less often like you suggested but by that time, his burps are stronger and I think they either hurt a bit or scare him when they come up. Maybe that’s better than spitting up a lot? He’s going in to see his CF doctor on Tuesday, but I’m trying to figure out some kind of rhythm that will get him to keep his food down and not make him too unhappy :/
Bray takes Similac Advanced (the blue kind) and he’s always been very easy to feed but lately he drinks his bottle REALLY fast. It used to take about 30 minutes for eating with burping every ounce and now he’s downing the bottle in about 15 minutes. It’s causing him to get super spitty afterwards. I still try to burp him every ounce but he starts screaming when I take the bottle out so soon. Then when he gets down to the last ounce or so he gets really squirmy but still wants to finish the rest of the bottle. He’s been doing so well with weight gaining after losing a significant amount when he was a newborn and I don’t want it to get interrupted.
Certain parts of this could be connected to his CF, but I was just wondering if any other mommas experienced anything like this
Rules: Just insert your answers to the questions below and if you’re curious about any of the answers of the person you were tagged by, send them a message asking about it. Tag at least 10 followers.
Nickname: Belle or Bella
Birthday: July 20th
Height: 5’2 on a good day
Time and date where you are: 12:23 AM, August 8th 2014
Average hours of sleep a night: haha sleep…that’s a good one.
Last thing you googled: We Came as Romans lyrics
Most used phrase(s): “Heard” I picked it up from work and now whenever someone tells me something, that’s what I respond with automatically
First word that comes to mind: tired.
Last thing you said to a family member: “Mommy loves you fishy” when I put my son to bed
Place that makes me happy and why: Fucking Disney World. I don’t care what anyone says that place is magical.
How many blankets do you sleep with: Just one, with like 80 pillows
Favorite beverage(s): Dr. Pepper, that shits great.
Last movie you saw in theaters: I don’t even remember the last time I went to a movie theatre. The ones around here are like $15 for one ticket, not worth it. Netfilx of RedBox that stuff.
What can you not live without: My fishy :) which is my son…not an actual fish although I do have a fish.
What do you plan on learning: How to be the best mom I can be, things dealing with getting my BSN, how to stay away from trouble makers
Piece of advice to your followers: Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re allowed to have a bad day or bad moments but don’t let things that already happened or that won’t change ruin the happiness you could be having. You’re stronger than you think, and even when the worst situations come up, you will get through it becuase you’re a bad ass mother fucker whether you realize it yet or not.
Let me know about you!!